27th Meadow, 802

I can't remember the last time I was so tired, body and soul. When I think about it, it has been some time since I got a full night's sleep. The bed here in my cell at the chapel of the Wind Shrine looks very inviting, but I must set my thoughts on paper before I rest.

I was feeling quite petulant when I wrote before, and I am much better now. Lia and I discussed the problems we will face regarding her family. They don't seem insurmountable, but I will have to become much more aware of monetary concerns if I am to come up with enough land and cattle to buy(!!!) her. An arcane custom that I judge to be inappropriate, somehow. As we spoke, I realized that, while she was upset with the situation, she was really not as angry with me as I feared. She suggested that I have been placing her on a pedestal, which I tend to do. I see her fight and I know she is my equal, so it must be my Ardanian upbringing that causes me to look at her as a rare flower that must be protected. I must endeavour to remember how she was on our trip through the isles. She is the most capable woman I've ever met, besides Raven.

Speaking of Raven, I'm not sure I thanked her properly for her quick rescue this morning, and for risking her life to go out and search for Lia for me. She is so quiet, I sometimes forget how powerful she is.

When I compare them to the women I knew back in Ardania! Those were so concerned with how they dressed, which parties they were invited to, frivolous they seem to me now, and I smile to think of how they frightened me. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to them, after Lark. Now, having met Raven, and Lia, and Andarta and Sister Fara, I am realizing what a narrow view I had of the feminine. Women are so much stronger than I thought.

After our conversation, Lia led me to a patch of soft moss, and we were lost in each other for a time. I am astounded by the depth of my emotion when I am with her. After, as we were lying in each other's arms, I felt a sense of foreboding. I know I tend to see the dark side of the world, but it felt as though a shadow passed across my heart. After supper, I believe I learned why.

We had supper with the Abbot. He is a kind man, the years have been hard on him and he's not much to look at, but he seems genuine and kind. I found myself with not much of an appetite, even though it was a strenuous day and I hadn't eaten since morning, and not much then. The food was very good, though, and I forced myself to eat a little since tomorrow will most likely be a very physical day as well.

Blackhawk seemed to need to center himself, and called the company together. We started inside the chapel, where we were visited by Carlotta's ghost. She wants us to find her sword as well as her harp, but we may be hard pressed to ascertain what her fifth treasure is, since she confirmed to us that Uncle Max is dead. I can hardly imagine the world without that kind and funny man in it. I know the enormity of the loss hasn't hit me yet, but I do feel that I knew back in Freeport that the bean sidhe we heard was crying for him. Carlotta vanished in a mist, and we soon moved outside because Jotork was disturbed by the "humming" of the crystal the chapel is constructed from. Everyone spoke of their hopes for the future, and Raven passed her pipe around. The herbs she used seemed to affect me more than the tobacco I've smoked in the past. The feeling they evoked was not quite euphoria, but more of a calmness.

So now, Jeck and I are in this small cell, waiting for the morning's journey. I do not know what the future holds. The shadow on my heart seems a bit less dark now, since I realized what folly it would be to abandon the Winged Foxes. For good or for ill, they are stuck with me.

I am looking to the climb with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. I have done little in the spiritual realm, and am not sure what to expect. I find myself hoping for a sign of some kind. And now, to bed.