Raven’s Personal Journal ­ 22nd of Blossom

Having had an unpleasant encounter with the dire wizard (Umbrion) in these parts, we are suffering from a bizarre magical malady. The wizard has displaced our beings in each other’s bodies. I have traded bodies with BlackHawk, and now experience his physical characteristics, and he mine. Hopefully a cleric can be found in Puddleby or Bliss to put us right again.

We have arrived at a new island, Thieves Island, on the westerly side. We have been trying to avoid encountering pirates or people. It is just as well. I do not feel up to it. We spent a long day paddling, my motions monotonously methodical. If it were not for an encounter to punctuate the day, I may have slipped into a slumber. Some large beast attacked us, McGuyver, DeVal’s, and mine kayak. We capsized. But I managed to aright us again. I accomplished this single-handedly no doubt with the help of BlackHawk’s strength, and of course DeVal’s urging. (I think that BlackHawk will find some new scars.)

Last night was spent on Wanderland Isle, home of the enormously powerful wand (who’s purpose we could never guess.) We made a peaceful campsite, preparing to depart at first light. We were finally able to rest with ease, somewhat figuring out the secret of this isle. So long as we interfered with nothing here, we would not be harmed. With this information, we relaxed.

I sought to speak to Carlotta. Some of the others thought she might have some information for us regarding this place, the garden and the wand.

Her plaintive pipe sounds emerged from her artifact. They seemed more morose than usual. And we were unable to understand her responses. I questioned her about the island, but we she was vague in her answers. She seemed to be asking something, but I did not know what. My thoughts turned to my mother’s shield. I have had several dreams concerning it. Always, they end with the shield sprouting black raven wings and flying aloft. I did not know what to make of this vision.

But then, an incredible thing happened, that has only occurred once before. The form of Carlotta appeared before us. She could not speak, but her eyes beseeched me. She held out her hands, and gestured toward me, as though asking for something. I reluctantly took my shield, afraid of the answer, and placed it in her ghostly arms. Carlotta’s apparition suddenly reformed, with the shield upon her arm, it appearing as ethereal as she. With a smug look of satisfaction, Carlotta’s ghost dissipated.

I must admit I was stunned. I know not why, for I knew that she had been attempting to communicate her desire to me for sometime. And my dream suggested this resolution as well. Carlotta desired the shield, this part of her, to be able to go on. I knew in my heart what had to be. But I did not want it to be that way. I wished to keep the shield that my mother made, though it was not for me.

I cannot help it. I have come here, hoping to find something of my mother and her family. I have no connection to her, or my people. I do not even know the whereabouts of the island I grew up on. I have only memories, and the stories my father told me.

I felt so blessed to receive something that was a part of my mother. I felt closer to her, to be able to hold and touch the shield that my mother made with her own hands. I wanted to keep it for myself, as part of my own history. Was I so selfish to want that? And at the cost of another’s soul? I feel guilt, and I feel loss. I feel that I have lost my mother again.

I am so frustrated. I seek my bed this evening for some needed rest. I lay down and wish to close my eyes, hoping to see a vision, and feel my family’s presence again. I reach up to touch DeVal, his beautiful thick fur is so soft, and his rumbling purr so reassuring. But I see a hand that is not mine. It is large and clumsy. I suddenly feel so alien. I bury my face in DeVal’s fur, and cry, only the tears do not come willingly in this stranger’s body.