Blossom 25

Well, today was quite different. We arrived at an island where we were not threatened and beset by creatures. The official company log will go into much detail. I will focus instead on my personal experiences. Fitting since this is my journal. It has been a strange change that has been coming over me since we arrived at . . . the place where we picked up our guide. I find my personal journals to be more introspective and less clinical. Before, I would focus on reporting absolute events with little commentary on how it affected me. To be sure, I still note and report. But, I am also finding solace in sharing my feelings in writing rather than keeping them corked up inside where none can see. In that regard, our departure from Ardania, and eventually Alusia, has been a good growing experience for me.

Anyway, we met Centaurs. A marvelous, yet private people. They struck me as thoroughly dangerous. I almost immediately made a social error which they had the grace to forgive. I addressed one of their people without being given explicit permission to do so. In this regard, they strike me as odd. Yet, it is their custom and I respect that. They were generous and helpful. They allowed us to stay on their land, brought us fresh venison and even provided guards so that we could rest easier. Though, the guards were probably as much to be sure we did not violate their stipulations for permission to stay. While we had no intention of breaking their laws, I can easily understand that they must view us by our actions, not our words.

We asked one of their Elders to tell their people that we would be glad for company and the chance to meet them if any were willing to speak with us. Feeling nervous and somewhat stifled, I finally took out my battered pipes. My intention was to provide a little music to entertain our hosts. I also felt it would be a good way to show our honest intent. And, I think it worked. But it was remarkable what happened for me, personally. Once I lifted the pipes and began to play, I felt a great weight lift from me. It had been days since I played and the lack of music has affected me. I let myself drift off into just my music. Raven was gracious enough to accompany me. She has a wholesome rythym and talent that is detectable. It is such a shame that I never had the chance to meet her father. Still, his gift lives on in her. For the first time in days, I honestly felt as if everything was going to be alright.

I ended up frittering away many hours playing my pipes. My spirit soared to have an appreciative audience, for we could see that several of the Centaurs had come within listening range. Yet, I felt a degree of disappointment as well. The pipes are fine, but I always felt more assured with a stringed instrument in my hands. Possibly because I always liked to socialize as well. It would have been nice to have played a variety of music for them. I made do, but when we return, I will serve them up with more music for their gifts to us.

The only dark spot in the evening was the appearance of another of the wizards. Yet, he did not seem immediately inimical. He seemed more an observer that felt the need to greet us. I am not sure what to think. But, his enchantment over the Centaurs to halt time from their perspective distrubed me. Enough that it put a somber cast on the rest of the evening.

However, I am pleased to report that my dreams were much more pleasant. I was able to reflect on the happier times in my life. Things that put me at ease. Joys that I have known. There is something to be learned in this! Though, I may not be correct in the interpretation.

It seems to me that my distress has come from my inability to accept what is happening. I had formed expectations of what it would be like to be an Elf. I think, that on a subconscious level, I was trying to force these concepts upon my current form. In response, the worst experiences I have had came to the forefront. Yet, when I relaxed and accepted Jotork's body for what it is, when I behaved entirely as myself, everything became easier. It is an important lesson on many levels. On the first, I must never forget who I am. One of the things that I have always found solace in is my music. My mothers gift. When I don't play, I am adversely affected. Strange that it should affect me this way. Others can play or not at their whim. But for me, it is almost a need. Second, I need to be able to accept myself. Perhaps I have spent so much time using my differences as a shield and barrier that I have neglected to address the issues that bother me at the core. I must acknowledge that my conflicts with my half-brother Duane disturb and sadden me. Perhaps the rift can be bridged, perhaps not. But there is something there that bothers me. I need to identify and address that. Third, and perhaps immediately useful as wisdom, I must not continually try to force things! By forcing my thoughts upon Jotork's body, my whole spirit suffered. Instead, I should have embraced it for the opportunity that it was. Sure, this was a curse by Umbrion. But by focusing on the negative aspects, and trying to impose my will on perceived benefits, I missed the lesson and chance to grow. Almost! I have now seen the error and can work to accept what has been thrown to us. We shall grow and learn. Yet, it strikes me that Blackhawk tries too hard and may be able to benefit from this wisdom as well. He is constantly trying to bend things to his will. While this is one of his greatest strengths, it is not always successful. There are times when you must accept and flow with events. A delicate balance to be sure. Still, if he asks my advice, I will share it with him. Until he asks, he is not likely to listen anyway.

I finish this up as we prepare to leave. Our guide tells us that we should arrive at Puddleby today. We have decided to make for Rocadile beach. While Bran may be able to befriend the cats at the other beach, there are other hazards there as well. Additionally, if Bran should somehow fail, it would put him in an uncomfortable position with the cats as adversaries.