Morning - Leaving for the Wind Shrine

So, we are leaving for the Wind Shrine today. Even though I have prepared myself as best I can to embrace this journey with excitement and joy, I still find the shadow of foreboding upon my heart. I managed to maintain my train of thoughts and focus upon the new day arriving. It was a glorious and beautiful sight. I wonder if Raven would approve.

Even that simple thought brings back my dark concerns and worries. But, I get ahead of myself. It is best to set my thoughts down in order so that I may contemplate their meaning and implications.

Jaden received word from Lia last evening. It seems that she has had an arguement with her mother and has decided to set out for the Wind Shrine immediately. Since he received this message in the night, there was a bit of concern for her safety. Assuredly, Lia is a seasoned traveler in her own right. And having been reared in this area, she probably understand the danger on the road better than we do. Yet, I would not let one of my friends travel alone on a dangerous journey if I could help it.

Feeling that we should set out immediately, we sought advice from Father Lodri. He described the upcoming journey and suggested that if we wished speed, we should ride. He also cautioned that doing so would detract from the spiritual meaning of the journey. It was then that I felt a heaviness in my heart. I am loathe to leave a comrade in unknown straits. Yet, this journey means much to me. Aside from my promise to Sister Fara, there is a deeper curiosity and need that I feel.

Jaden was beside himself with concern and was thinking of asking Jek to attempt to find Lia in the dead of night. Raven offered to find her and take a message herself. Doubt came over me then. What if something were to happen to Raven? I had to bite my lip to keep quiet. Who am I to gainsay Raven? She has abilities that I can only guess at. She is comfortable in the wilds. If she truly believed that she could find Lia, I could not argue. She was willing to place herself in the path of potential harm to ease the pain in Jaden's heart. Such a noble deed! To chastise her, to object would seem to dishonor her bravery. And that too is something I am loathe to do. Even Jotork, her sworn protector, could not offer up argument as to why she should not go.

So I watched her pack her things and request that we bring them along if she did not return by the time we left. If I had been able, I would have left with her. To assist and protect if I might. Even if it meant breaking a promise I made to myself. Yet, she left by a path that I cannot travel. And so it has been that we have not seen any sign of her since. I hope and even pray as I write this that she is safe and hale. Yet I do not know. I am torn between my desire to dash out and seek her, and my need to begin this journey by the criteria I had already set for myself. It seems an ill choice to make. To safeguard my friends at the expense of my spiritual growth, or to abandon them so that I may seek a deeper spiritual connection. I do not know if I possess a deep enough wisdom to choose rightly. Yet, I chose to seek my spiritual path. I feel that Raven would not want me to abandon that path. Particularly since my concern may have no founding. I hope my choice is not ill fated.

I slept fretfully, but when I awoke, it was apparent that Jaden slept worse than I. Everyone was already up and packing although I am normally the only one up at that time. Jaden was determined to pursue his lady and Blackhawk agreed to accompany him. I told them that I had business in Rosewater and that they were welcome to join me. But, if they felt the need to leave, I would catch up when I could. Jotork offered to journey with me. I find his presence comforting and it is fitting that he should witness my greeting of the new day.

In my dawn greeting, I spoke of rejoicing and refreshing myself in preparation for what the day may bring. That, and setting my thoughts down has helped ease my mind. I see now that letting Raven seek Lia alone was not the wisest thought. Our strength in the Company has been mutual resolve and friendship, as well as love for each other. By allowing Raven to leave herself, we have weakened our resolve. If we were to seek Lia, we should have done it together. We should have headed out, found her, and set out together with light hearts and happiness. Not doubt and fear.

But, what is done cannot be undone. There is no room now for admonishment. Our intentions were good and perhaps that will be enough. May it be that even now Jaden and Blackhawk are enjoying the company of Raven and Lia. May it be that the only doubt and fear is that which I experience. I should emulate Jotork's quiet resolve. His everlasting patience. Even now he does not seek to hurry me. But, I have packed light. Perhaps too light. But we must make haste if we are to find our friends and help them if need be.