Sunday - Fruit 6, 802 AR

We have returned from the Wind Shrine, but there is still no sign of Raven and Elensul. I hope their journeys are going well for them.

Valgerd seems to be doing a bit better. Though she seemed a little reluctant to undertake the pilgrimage after she had a night's rest, we were able to renew her resolve. Admittedly, it may have been a little intimidating for her when Blackhawk, Jaden and I all tracked her down and politely informed her she was running late. We all cautioned her that if we were accosted while on the road, she would do well to head for cover. A trifle arrogant perhaps, but safer for her if magic starts to fly.

The journey to the Crystal Chapel was uneventful. We passed several patrols that have been keeping the road clear lately. I wasn't surprised that some of the Rangers greeted Blackhawk, I wsa surprised that they knew of me. It is harder to keep track of your reputation when you are spreading the rumors yourself.

We had the fortune of being at the Crystal Chapel on a clear day this time. Beautiful! The sun through the walls makes for a dazzling display inside. It is difficult to remain within with such brilliance. The evening was even better! The moonlight and the stars illuminate the interior. I took some time to wander in the woods outside, thinking. It was a nice walk. The Abbot invited us to dinner again. We had fewer questions this time. Though, he did indicate that there have been fewer pilgrims lately. It seems people are less inclined to travel. Understandable with recent events. They are hoping that people will feel more comfortable next year. Verbally, I agreed with him. However, in my heart, I fear that this will not be the case. The Storm is beginning. Right now, we are seeing the first faint clouds and feeling the slight breeze prefacing a storm from far away. A year from now, how much stronger will it be?

The journey up the Wind Shrine was quicker this time, even with Valgerd. The Angel did not have any questions for us this time. In fact, it did not speak at all. It was blocking the trail with it's shield before it. A perfect mirror. I do not really know what the others saw when they looked in the shield. But, when I stepped up to it, I saw myself. All of my self-doubts and personal dislikes were shown within. The things I find insufficient in myself. It was an interesting challenge.

I could see that I am too weak, undisciplined, ignorant, flawed. What is it that I have to offer to the rest of the world? What is it about me that makes me qualified to be the Taoiseach? How can I hope to succeed? On some level, I was amused. I ask myself these questions all the time. Look at my companions. Blackhawk befriends pixies and sprites without an effort. He says he knows Ildris from his time in Seagate. He speaks of it casually. As if everyone can name a Power as a friend. Raven is filled with quiet Wisdom and Lore. Mighty Spirits come to her aid when she requests it. Not because they are bound to, but because they want to. Elensul is on the path of a Noble quest, to renew the fire and spirit of his people. The Valar Bless him on his quest. The secret of Jaden's heritage is worth murdering for. He has attracted the attention of dragons, and of spirits. Whatever he saw on the mountain at Trollbridge was for his eyes alone. He wonders if he is cursed because of it. I think he is gifted because of it. What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see an Ardanian half-blood striving to do his best to keep up and honor his companions. I have so much to learn. And therein, it appears, lies my salvation. So long as I keep learning, keep growing, I have hope that I will be up to the challenges that lay ahead. And I cannot fail. The cost for failure is too high, so I must succeed. I must learn all I can, Knowledge is my friend, as it has always been. At the top of the Wind Shrine is a bounty of Knowledge. In my mind, I can hear the Song. I know it is there. I must reach the top so that I may hear it again, so that I may learn, so that I may succeed. What is it that makes me think I may succeed at the tasks before me? Because I choose to. Free Will is the Creator's gift. I make this choice because I want to succeed. Perhaps it is enough.

The reflection in the shield shows me, as I imagine others see me. The internal struggle I go through each day does not change. My strongest gift is the one given to all of us by the Creator. Free Will. It is what allows me to walk with confidence, even arrogance. I choose to learn, to live, to grow, to love, to succeed. The Angel steps out of the way so that I may pass. I stride forward, confident as ever. This challenge was easier than the questions of morality we faced last time. As I smile faintly at the others, I wonder if their challenge was similar. What did they face in the mirror? Then again, does it matter? We each passed the Angel. We each overcame whatever challenge was presented. After a moment's respite, we continued up the trail.

Fara greeted us warmly. We each had our own questions for her. We took turns escorting Valgerd about, chatting so that we might each have some privacy speaking with Fara. When it came to Valgerd's turn, we accorded her privacy as well. I know not what was said, but Valgerd was willing to stay the night. Admittedly, the prospect of hiking back down might have had something to do with it. When I spoke with Fara, I explained the changes I have been feeling within myself. I wanted to know if she knew of others that have experienced the same types of things. She made a comment about Saints, and that perhaps with my background and training, I have been able to pick up certain things. I smiled when she mentioned Saints. I seem an unlikely candidate for Sainthood. But, she may be right about my background.

When I hear the Song, I can detect the subtleties that make up some of the world around me. I perceive similarities. Though, it takes a lot of effort. It was actually easier when I experienced the blindness from sitting in the High Seat. By shutting down my sight, I opened my ears even more. I have a difficult time believing that I am the only one that has heard such things, or felt as I do. But, Fara also said that the experience of the Song is personal and many people may manifest it's power differently. Perhaps I am striding a path that no other has taken. I suppose I must call it something. A new title for myself. I was wandering aimlessly on top of the Wind Shrine, listening to the Song of Creation, thinking how my own musical skills are such a feeble echo in comparison, when a name came to me. It actually caused me to chuckle. I will call myself Lom Ainulindale. At least, until somebody can explain it better to me, or the Valar tell me to stop.

In the morning, I gave Fara my farewell. We were walking toward the edge. With an impish grin, I turned to everyone. "See you at the bottom." My tone was flippant. Stepping off, I turned in time to see that Valgerd was shocked. I did not need to wait long for Blackhawk and Jaden, but Valgerd was a bit longer in coming. I don't know if Fara pushed her, or if she had enough Faith to step off alone. But, she seems to be more like the young woman we met before leaving for Ft. Vindemar. As before, the trip has given me much to think about. I think I may buy a small mirror so that I may continue to reflect upon it.